Funny how things like that happen. I guess what spurt this random event is that I'm wearing my old 'going out' perfume tonight since I'm, well, going out. It's just weird because honestly the minute I put it on and smelled it, everything that has ever happened while I've worn it came rushing back. Cheesy I know but for real, it did! It made me feel comforted, you know? Like even though I haven't been really sure of anything these past 2 weeks, it made me feel like at this moment I know who I am, where I am, and where I'm going all at once.
I've been writing in my myspace instead of here because on myspace, I can block people from reading it that I don't want to read it. I had blocked Sara and Courtney from reading it because I was so hurt and angry with them. With Sara because she dumped me, she threw away our friendship like a piece of garbage and made me feel the same. With Courtney, I was tired of feeling bad. I was tired of always feeling like I wasn't good enough or that I should feel guilty for the friendships I have in my life. I was angry for a very long time. I think I might be still a little. Now, now I'm grateful for the friendship we did have, the times we were together and the memories. I know we can't go back to how things were and I don't think I would want them to. All of us are different people and I know I'm a completely different person from who I was before I graduated. I guess I just now realize that I have to let go of the past. It's hard and we all know I've always had a hard time with that. Hmm, guess I've grown up a bit, huh?
I feel really calm right now. Could it be that I got out of Wines a little bit ago (and feeling very happy, hee hee) ooooor that it's spring time, almost summer and I love the fact that it's nice and fresh right now, I can just relax, no tv, Jonny Lang, and my thoughts. Ahhh, this is it. Here it is. Very nice.
I would say I'd update more and probably not have such a random diary buuuuut, I kinda know that won't happen. This was kinda a one time deal. Who knows when I write again. But until then, May Grace find you. Cheers!